Broken Heart is Expensive

I recently have my heart broken, at the worst time of my life. I didn’t have the appetite to eat anything. In less than two weeks I lost 5kg. My ass is really flat – something I just had after 6 years since my first period.

Every midnight I listen to Adele’s song and Yiruma’s, then cried out loud, let my feelings out. Let the pain go to find a new place through my shed. After 2-3 hours, I ate those chocolate every midnight, not to get my better ass back, but in order to have a better feelings. It helped. But it doesn’t right. I punish and reward myself. I feel like no one understands me, how I feel or what so ever. Firstly I searched for help by telling my friends about my story, then I realized I’m the only who knows the exact story, the exact feeling and the exact answer. I began to be antisocial, not even have the appetite to have a night out. No one seemed care about it , I used to be the one who asked them out anyway.

Until one day, Mom told me that she’d go to a mall and I asked her to invite me as well. No, I forced her to bring me along. She was surprised but I didn’t care. That day I shopped some rock band CDs, my favorite since junior high school.

And I bought a new Marks & Spencer’s Florentyna body spray

plus China Blue body wash. It really helped. More than any chocolate. It is now becoming my routine, before I go to bed. I use the China Blue to wash my hand, spread a little Florentyna and have a really really better feelings afterwards. After days of my routine, I once tried to listen to Adele’s and there was no tears! I finally can listen to it in a different way. Still enjoying its beauty lyrics but not that painful.

Everyone will hurt me in many ways, bring me down and kick my ass. I realized that’s important to feel good about myself first, so no one can hurt me that painful, anymore.  Because I still got one who loves me unconditionally and would never leave me at my worst. My self. Some people will mention their lovers or family, but please be honest…. Well, I’ve been there before a lot, not that I’m an expert. But I am sure, no one will love you as much as you love yourself. That ‘yourself’ would never leave you. Can’t you imagine you lose yourself? That’s pathetic! And that’s why you should start being you. Never let anyone take ‘you’ away. You are your true lover. Your lover is your partner, not your soulmate, yet. I have the thought that soulmate is someone you have your last breath with. Vice versa. Surprisingly, scents help me love myself and have a better feeling. Maybe in years I can count on my bottle of scent to find how many times my heart have been broken.

Fact, broken heart is really painful – and EXPENSIVE!


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